How do I know if I’m straight?

If I were a disembodied mind guessing what I am, I would say that I am male and that I like men a little and girls a lot. But it doesn’t bug me much to be a mostly straight female.

What am I?

(I’m 20, btw)

5 perks of being straight.

Here is my snobby, egocentric, majority white-ass opinion. It reeks of ignorance. Please hate me for it. If you can be proud of being gay, then I will be proud of you and support you by not opposing you (which doesn’t actually help), but I will also have to be proud of my straightness or I’ll kind of feel left out of all the fun y’all have. Why can’t I be special? Of course, I don’t want to be stigmatized, either. Poop.

Why I like being straight:

1. Sex. Oh god, yes. One male + one female + one bed (optional). Also, traditional male-female relationships have other perks – he pays, opens the door for me, and defends my honor.
2. I have never had to hate myself for being straight, and I have never been confused about it.
3. I am accepted by mainstream society. I don’t have to check the laws of the state to see if I can get married to my boyfriend here.
4. I have a much larger pool of potential mates, since most men are straight.
5. He knows he doesn’t understand me, so I can keep him confused and get away with being a bitch for a while, and blame it on PMS or hormones.

Why I hate being straight:

1. I am yet again in the majority. I am already a white American. I have very little cultural identity as it is. Being straight again puts me in the “normal”, or vanilla, or background seat. Neither my skin nor my flag have any color. I can go anywhere, but I “belong” nowhere.
2. I cannot empathize with the LGBT community. Even when I try to support and accept, I put my foot in my mouth and hurt their feelings. It’s easier to do nothing, then, so I don’t accidentally further Straight Oppression, so I sit on my hands way too often.
3. I cannot hang out with the Gay Pride groups when I’m single, or I’ll risk being misidentified with them. That would be fine, if I were not looking for a relationship with a man who could be scared away if he thought I was lesbian or other.
4. My mom is going to force me to give her grandbabies once I find my man. Dear Lord, the pressure to reproduce is strong! Or maybe that’s why I hate being a fertile woman.
5. Guys are sometimes messy, vulgar, and gross. Loving a woman would be so much better in so many ways. Double the wardrobe, and she’d understand me and my love of pasta.